It’s a question as old as time itself. Is she attracted to me?
Contrary to popular belief, we men are a desperately insecure lot when it comes to attraction. We could be getting every signal under the sun that the feeling is mutual and yet, that small sliver of doubt will always make more noise in our subconscious than the most obvious signs available.
With this in mind, and after conferring with the greatest scientific brains of the modern era, we can finally reveal the top 10 signs that, YES, she really is attracted to you.
1) The eyes have it
The first point of contact is almost always the eyes.
Eye contact by itself means pretty much nothing. Accident. A time indexed coincidence. Certainly not enough to go on.
However, a meeting of eyes held for a moment followed by a look away and a second glance back is far more significant. If combined with a smile, give yourself 2 confidence points.
2) A cross we can all bear
Once acquaintance has been made – this is the brilliance of speed dating in London of course – then other signs come into play.
While crossing of the legs is more often associated with negativity, if someone is attracted to you, the opposite can be true. Just make sure the action of crossing the legs means her body is more square on to you and her arms aren’t crossed.
Leaning forward and joining her hands is an additional sign of desire to know more about you.
3) Head in hands
No I don’t mean the face down look of despair or exasperation. This is a sure sign attraction is the furthest thing from her mind.
But if your date is resting her chin on her hands with elbows placed on the table while you’re talking then we’re on. The hands act as a frame for the face in an attempt to draw your attention to her.
It’s also an expression of interest and trust. Rumour has it that a gentle compliment at this stage is very effective in establishing a mutual attraction.
4) My, what a big mouth you have
This is the same for both guys and girls. When in conversation, extended eye gazing can sometimes be a sign of dishonesty. However, glances between eyes, nose and mouth is a sign of exploration and a desire to know more.
It’s also an unconscious assessment of kissability. Tread cautiously but be optimistic.
5) Canting
It’s a real word. I promise. Head canting simply refers to tilting the head to one side. It exposes the neck in a sign of trust and is a strong signal that your attempt to catch her attention has worked.
It’s also often combined with a slight smile – a move to win over the most frozen of male hearts.
Just don’t leap up from your chair and shout joyously, “GREAT CANT!”
6) Hair today, gone tomorrow?
Quite the opposite. One of the most widely recognised signs that she is attracted to you is if she plays with her hair while you’re chatting.
If she’s shaking her hair a la Ally Sheedy in ‘The Breakfast Club’, take this as a sign of OCD or instability. This is not the sort of hair play we’re talking about.
But a curling of a lock of hair around the finger is spot on. It’s apparently an unconscious grooming or preparation to impress a potential mate.
This is the primal interpretation though. Please for the love of [insert deity here] do not respond to a tugged lock with “Why thank you for your efforts. Let me know when we can begin mating”.
Along with eye contact, it’s one of the first signs of attraction.
7) Mirror, mirror on the pull
When we’re attracted to someone, we unconsciously copy many of their actions.
It’s the little things like taking a sip from her drink a few seconds after you; changing body position; increasing blink rate etc.
It’s an unfortunate fact that a majority of the time and even in this day and age our primal selves are tuned, particularly when dating, to follow the male lead. Thus, a woman is more likely to mirror a man and the dominant man in a group is more likely to be mirrored by other males.
It does however present a good sign of attraction. No mirroring often means no attraction.
8) Dating – It’s a wristy business
The wrist is a particularly vulnerable and sensitive part of the body and its exposure is a sign of submission. By submission, I’m referring to a willingness to show vulnerability – essentially saying ‘I trust you’.
Trust is one of the key components in attraction. Without it, the possibility of anything going further is virtually zero.
Thus an exposed wrist, like an exposed neck, is a very strong signal indeed.
9) I touch myself
Oh behave you lot! This is a public forum. Okay, let me explain before you all burst into childish giggles.
Women have around twice as many nerve receptors in the skin, particularly the face, meaning they’re more sensitive to touch.
Self-touching, particularly touching the face, is an unconscious attempt to stimulate the nervous system in order to sense external signals. The brain is also mildly traitorous in its ability to express our desires while bypassing our sensible selves. Therefore, if someone is touching their skin while chatting, it’s possibly an indication of an increasing level of attraction and desire.
10) I’ll see your lust and raise you an arm
Raising the arm is pretty much as primal as it gets. It could be to flick the hair, to touch the neck or – most boldly of all – to tie the hair back. Women and men release a significant amounts of pheromones through glands located in the arm pits.
Raising an arm or two (not three, which could be weird) is an attempt to release more pheromones into the air and increase your level of attraction. When this happens, it’s less about seeing if you’re interested and more the body’s attempt to make sure you ARE interested.
Just don’t try and get her to do those ‘raise your hands in the air’ dance moves in order to convince yourself she really does want you. It doesn’t work that way.
Ultimately though, no single one of these signs proves anything. It really all comes down to you as an individual. Also, be warned that actively looking for these signs and reacting to each and every one as it arises is a sure fire way to get yourself rejected.
Just relax, be yourself and be aware that sometimes you’re more attractive than your ego might let you think.
Why not join us at one of our speed dating events in London to find out how many of these signs of attraction you pick up? You really never know who you might meet.
WORDS BY JOHN DAVIS