There are some men who tread their own path, who carve a way through life unique from all those around them. To you sirs, wherever you are, I salute you. I have had the privilege of meeting many of you because you are the ones who attend Speed Dating events, often alone because you are a pioneer, a trend-setter, a man amongst boys.
Then there is the rest. The friends of the pioneer who mock his forward thinking. They cast doubt on innovation, on new thinking, on courage and bravery because they are afraid. Years ago these people would mocked anyone considered the planet Earth could have been anything but flat.
It is to you, fearful ones, for whom this missive is intended. While you send the hero out into the world of speed dating, your laughter wringing in his ears, it is upon you that the last laugh will fall.
This is how it works:
It's 7:30. You're 3 beers in with some other friends in cowardice, laughingly guessing at the fate that has befallen your erstwhile companion. As the evening progresses you will contemplate the relative merits of various females in your proximity. "I don't need to speed date" you will tell yourself as you further line your stomach with liquid courage.
It's 8:30. Is that a woman? You're not sure. Are there 3 or six of them? Another beer will sort you out. You're unstoppable.
Meanwhile, your 'laughable' companion has discussed sex, politics, Ugg boots and the relative merits of Timmy Mallett with 15 stunning women. He has already swapped numbers with 2 of them. And it's only half time. Your only engagement with the more intelligent gender has been a slurring offer to buy a drink and the witty remark that she looks like a slim version of Vanessa Feltz. She politely declines by laughing in your face. But you're on fire. You return to your mates with another pint.
It's now 9:30. You've actually managed to engage in conversation with someone who appears rather attractive if you close one eye. She's even laughing at your impression of Sean Connery. It's been 10 mins! Who needs Speed Dating? Pah!
Your friend has met another 10 women and is now at the bar chatting to 3 having exchanged 2 more numbers and he still has tomorrows online matching results to come.
You are flying! She even laughed at your sick Jimmy Savile joke. She turns to you. Look you in your one sober eye and says: "Thanks for keeping me company. My boyfriend's here now. You gay guys are so much fun." And walks away.
It's midnight. Where do we stand?
Your adventurous friend is in a club with 12 others from the Speed Date night with no intention of leaving anytime soon.
You are sprawled, half dressed and alone watching Babestation swirling in front of you. You half consider a drunken hand shandy while smelling of kebabs before deciding a trip to the fridge for another beer is in order. You wake upon the kitchen floor.
Gentleman, I tell you now, this story is true. True for so many men each week.
So to you sir - YES YOU - I ask, which are you? The pioneer warrior? Or the drunken has-been?
The choice is now yours.
Speed Dating in Tooting
Tue 7 May 2024
The Wheatsheaf, London, Tooting
NEW - Tooting's busiest speed date at this South West London institution.
Speed Dating in the City
Wed 8 May 2024
Jamies Tudor Street, London, The City
New - Join us for this new Wednesday evening event in the City.
Speed Dating in Cambridge
Wed 8 May 2024
The Lab, Cambridge, Cambridgeshire
Join around 30 singles at this trendy Cambridge venue for a fun night meeting new people.
Speed Dating in Clapham
Thu 9 May 2024
Sugar Cane, London, Clapham Junction
You'll typically meet 15-18 people for our popular speed dating event at this cool venue in CJ.
Speed Dating in Manchester
Thu 9 May 2024
Be At One Manchester, Manchester, Deansgate
Meet new people at this top-notch speed dating experience in the heart of MCR.
Speed Dating in Edinburgh
Thu 9 May 2024
The Barologist, Edinburgh, Leith
Edinburgh's best speed dating event at this incredible venue.
OVER 40s Speed Dating in Canterbury
Thu 9 May 2024
One Pound Lane, Canterbury, Kent
Canterbury's busiest speed dating event. Join us and meet new people in person.
Over 40 Speed Dating in Derby
Thu 9 May 2024
Carnero Lounge, Derby, Derbyshire
Exclusive Over 40s speed dating. Come along to the smartest bar in Derby and date up to 15 likemi...
Friday Night Speed Dating
Fri 10 May 2024
The Moniker, London, The City
One of London's most successful speed dating events. Who will you meet this Friday?
Over 50s Friday Night Speed Dating
Fri 10 May 2024
Jamies Tudor Street, London, The City
Kick start your weekend with Friday night speed dating at our brand new venue in the heart of the...
Speed Dating in Oxford
Fri 10 May 2024
Hank's Bar, Oxford, Oxfordshire
Start the weekend with speed dating in the city's trendiest bar.
Early Summer Singles Party Glasgow
Fri 10 May 2024
Vega , Glasgow, Scotland
Join us for our Early Summer Singles Party in Glasgow. Over 80+ people expected.
EARLY SUMMER LOCK & KEY PARTY 2024
Sat 11 May 2024
The Happenstance, London, St Pauls
Welcome to the biggest party for single Londoners of the early summer. Over 250+ people expected!
EARLY SUMMER LOCK & KEY PARTY + PRE-PARTY SPEED DATING
Sat 11 May 2024
The Happenstance, London, St Pauls
Welcome to the biggest party + pre-party speed dating for single Londoners. Over 250+ people are ...
Saturday Night Speed Dating - 30s & 40s
Sat 11 May 2024
The Kings Arms, Central London
Brand new Saturday night event in the heart of the West End.
Gay Speed Dating
Sat 11 May 2024
Komyuniti - Yotel, London, Clerkenwell
Join us for gay speed dating and meet around 15 men. Did we mention a free welcome drink?
Quiz Dating
Tue 14 May 2024
Jamies Tudor Street, London, The City
A pub quiz and a speed dating event rolled into one. That's Quiz Dating and it's a whole lot of fun.
Speed Dating in the City
Wed 15 May 2024
Jamies Tudor Street, London, The City
New - Join us for this new Wednesday evening event in the City.
Speed Dating in Camden
Wed 15 May 2024
Studio 48, London, Camden
Join us for our Camden speed dating event at the fantastic Studio 48. Book now for this busy event.
Speed Dating in Islington
Thu 16 May 2024
The Bull, London, Islington
Islington's very one speed dating event at this ace North London venue.
Join the waiting list