There are some men who tread their own path, who carve a way through life unique from all those around them. To you sirs, wherever you are, I salute you. I have had the privilege of meeting many of you because you are the ones who attend Speed Dating events, often alone because you are a pioneer, a trend-setter, a man amongst boys.
Then there is the rest. The friends of the pioneer who mock his forward thinking. They cast doubt on innovation, on new thinking, on courage and bravery because they are afraid. Years ago these people would mocked anyone considered the planet Earth could have been anything but flat.
It is to you, fearful ones, for whom this missive is intended. While you send the hero out into the world of speed dating, your laughter wringing in his ears, it is upon you that the last laugh will fall.
This is how it works:
It's 7:30. You're 3 beers in with some other friends in cowardice, laughingly guessing at the fate that has befallen your erstwhile companion. As the evening progresses you will contemplate the relative merits of various females in your proximity. "I don't need to speed date" you will tell yourself as you further line your stomach with liquid courage.
It's 8:30. Is that a woman? You're not sure. Are there 3 or six of them? Another beer will sort you out. You're unstoppable.
Meanwhile, your 'laughable' companion has discussed sex, politics, Ugg boots and the relative merits of Timmy Mallett with 15 stunning women. He has already swapped numbers with 2 of them. And it's only half time. Your only engagement with the more intelligent gender has been a slurring offer to buy a drink and the witty remark that she looks like a slim version of Vanessa Feltz. She politely declines by laughing in your face. But you're on fire. You return to your mates with another pint.
It's now 9:30. You've actually managed to engage in conversation with someone who appears rather attractive if you close one eye. She's even laughing at your impression of Sean Connery. It's been 10 mins! Who needs Speed Dating? Pah!
Your friend has met another 10 women and is now at the bar chatting to 3 having exchanged 2 more numbers and he still has tomorrows online matching results to come.
You are flying! She even laughed at your sick Jimmy Savile joke. She turns to you. Look you in your one sober eye and says: "Thanks for keeping me company. My boyfriend's here now. You gay guys are so much fun." And walks away.
It's midnight. Where do we stand?
Your adventurous friend is in a club with 12 others from the Speed Date night with no intention of leaving anytime soon.
You are sprawled, half dressed and alone watching Babestation swirling in front of you. You half consider a drunken hand shandy while smelling of kebabs before deciding a trip to the fridge for another beer is in order. You wake upon the kitchen floor.
Gentleman, I tell you now, this story is true. True for so many men each week.
So to you sir - YES YOU - I ask, which are you? The pioneer warrior? Or the drunken has-been?
The choice is now yours.
Speed Dating in Clapham
Thu 30 Jun 2022
Sugar Cane, London, Clapham Junction
You'll typically meet 15-18 people for our popular speed dating event at this very cool Clapham v...
Friday Night Speed Dating
Fri 1 Jul 2022
Dion - St Pauls, London, City
It's our busiest event of the week. 25 dates and no work tomorrow. You just can't beat this event.
Saturday Night Speed Dating
Sat 2 Jul 2022
Perini & Perini, Central London
Join up to 40 people for this busy Saturday night speed dating event in Central London. Read more.
Speed Dating in Clapham
Tue 5 Jul 2022
Sugar Cane, London, Clapham Junction
You'll typically meet 15-18 people for our popular speed dating event at this cool venue in CJ.
Speed Dating Over 40s
Tue 5 Jul 2022
Perini & Perini, Central London
Join us for some speed dating in Oxford Circus and meet around 15 people!
Speed Dating in Central London
Wed 6 Jul 2022
Perini & Perini, Central London
Leave the dating apps behind come and meet *actually* meet people at this busy speed dating event...
Speed Dating in Edinburgh
Thu 7 Jul 2022
The Barologist, Leith
NEW - Edinburgh's best speed dating event at this incredible venue.
Speed Dating in Islington
Thu 7 Jul 2022
The Bull, London, Islington
Islington's very one speed dating event at this ace North London venue.
Friday Night Speed Dating
Fri 8 Jul 2022
Dion - St Pauls, London, City
It's our busiest event of the week. 25 dates and no work tomorrow. You just can't beat this event.
Saturday Night Speed Dating
Sat 9 Jul 2022
Perini & Perini, Central London
Join up to 40 people for this busy Saturday night speed dating event in Central London. Read more.
Saturday Night Speed Dating
Sat 9 Jul 2022
Pavilion End, St Pauls
It's Saturday night speed dating in The City. Meet around 20 dates for a great night out.
THE ORIGINAL DATING SUMMER IN THE CITY PARTY
Sat 9 Jul 2022
The Refinery, London, Central
Welcome to the biggest party for single Londoners of the summer. 250+ people expected!
Speed Dating in Tooting
Tue 12 Jul 2022
The Wheatsheaf, Tooting
NEW - Tooting's busiest speed date at this South West London institution.
Speed Dating in Central London
Wed 13 Jul 2022
Perini & Perini, Central London
Leave the dating apps behind come and meet *actually* meet people at this busy speed dating event...
Speed Dating in Maidstone
Thu 14 Jul 2022
Mu Mu, Maidstone
NEW - Join us for Maidstone's busiest speed dating event at this unique venue.
Speed Dating in Edinburgh
Thu 14 Jul 2022
The Barologist, Leith
NEW - Edinburgh's best speed dating event at this incredible venue.
Speed Dating in St Albans
Thu 14 Jul 2022
The Crown, Hertfordshire
This is St Albans busiest speed date at Hertfordshires finest bar.
Speed Dating in Canterbury
Thu 14 Jul 2022
One Pound Lane, Canterbury
Canterbury's busiest speed dating event. Join us and meet new people in person.
Speed Dating in Oxford
Thu 14 Jul 2022
St Aldates Tavern, Oxfordshire
Oxford's busiest speed dating event. 15-20 dates in one fun night at this fab venue in the city c...
Speed Dating in Manchester
Thu 14 Jul 2022
Foundry Project, Northern Quarter
NEW - Manchester's busiest speed dating event at this stunning venue.
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