There are some men who tread their own path, who carve a way through life unique from all those around them. To you sirs, wherever you are, I salute you. I have had the privilege of meeting many of you because you are the ones who attend Speed Dating events, often alone because you are a pioneer, a trend-setter, a man amongst boys.
Then there is the rest. The friends of the pioneer who mock his forward thinking. They cast doubt on innovation, on new thinking, on courage and bravery because they are afraid. Years ago these people would mocked anyone considered the planet Earth could have been anything but flat.
It is to you, fearful ones, for whom this missive is intended. While you send the hero out into the world of speed dating, your laughter wringing in his ears, it is upon you that the last laugh will fall.
This is how it works:
It's 7:30. You're 3 beers in with some other friends in cowardice, laughingly guessing at the fate that has befallen your erstwhile companion. As the evening progresses you will contemplate the relative merits of various females in your proximity. "I don't need to speed date" you will tell yourself as you further line your stomach with liquid courage.
It's 8:30. Is that a woman? You're not sure. Are there 3 or six of them? Another beer will sort you out. You're unstoppable.
Meanwhile, your 'laughable' companion has discussed sex, politics, Ugg boots and the relative merits of Timmy Mallett with 15 stunning women. He has already swapped numbers with 2 of them. And it's only half time. Your only engagement with the more intelligent gender has been a slurring offer to buy a drink and the witty remark that she looks like a slim version of Vanessa Feltz. She politely declines by laughing in your face. But you're on fire. You return to your mates with another pint.
It's now 9:30. You've actually managed to engage in conversation with someone who appears rather attractive if you close one eye. She's even laughing at your impression of Sean Connery. It's been 10 mins! Who needs Speed Dating? Pah!
Your friend has met another 10 women and is now at the bar chatting to 3 having exchanged 2 more numbers and he still has tomorrows online matching results to come.
You are flying! She even laughed at your sick Jimmy Savile joke. She turns to you. Look you in your one sober eye and says: "Thanks for keeping me company. My boyfriend's here now. You gay guys are so much fun." And walks away.
It's midnight. Where do we stand?
Your adventurous friend is in a club with 12 others from the Speed Date night with no intention of leaving anytime soon.
You are sprawled, half dressed and alone watching Babestation swirling in front of you. You half consider a drunken hand shandy while smelling of kebabs before deciding a trip to the fridge for another beer is in order. You wake upon the kitchen floor.
Gentleman, I tell you now, this story is true. True for so many men each week.
So to you sir - YES YOU - I ask, which are you? The pioneer warrior? Or the drunken has-been?
The choice is now yours.
Saturday Night Speed Dating - 20s-30s
Sat 27 Jul 2024
KOMYUNITI - Yotel, London, Clerkenwell
Single in your twenties or thirties? This is the speed dating event for you. Fast, fun four-minut...
Saturday Night Speed Dating - 30s & 40s
Sat 27 Jul 2024
The Kings Arms, Central London
One of the busiest and best speed dating events in Central London, not to be missed. Book your ti...
Saturday Night Speed Dating Manchester
Sat 27 Jul 2024
Motley Bar - Yotel, Manchester
HALF PRICE - Join us at this smart venue for our brand-new Saturday night events in the city.
Speed Dating in Putney
Wed 31 Jul 2024
The Railway, London, Putney
You'll typically meet around 20 people for our popular speed dating event at this cool venue in P...
Speed Dating in Edinburgh
Thu 1 Aug 2024
The Barologist, Edinburgh, Leith
Edinburgh's best speed dating event at this incredible venue.
OVER 40s Speed Dating in Canterbury
Thu 1 Aug 2024
One Pound Lane, Canterbury, Kent
Canterbury's busiest speed dating event. Join us and meet new people in person.
Friday Night Speed Dating
Fri 2 Aug 2024
The Anthologist (panel room), London, The City
It's our busiest event of the week. 20 dates and no work tomorrow. You just can't beat this event.
Over 40s Friday Night Speed Dating
Fri 2 Aug 2024
Jamies Tudor Street, London, The City
Kick start your weekend with Friday night speed dating at our brand new venue in the heart of the...
Quiz Dating in Oxford
Fri 2 Aug 2024
Hank's Bar, Oxford, Oxfordshire
Start the weekend with speed dating in the city's trendiest bar.
Summer Singles Party Glasgow
Fri 2 Aug 2024
Vega , Glasgow, Scotland
Join us for our Early Summer Singles Party in Glasgow. Over 80+ people expected.
Singles Lock & Key Party - Manchester
Fri 2 Aug 2024
Revolution - Oxford Road, Manchester Central
Join us at our Manchester Singles Lock & Key Party. The ultimate way to meet singles this summer.
Gay Speed Dating
Sat 3 Aug 2024
Komyuniti - Yotel, London, Clerkenwell
Join us for gay speed dating and meet around 15 men. Did we mention a free welcome drink?
Saturday Night Speed Dating - 30s & 40s
Sat 3 Aug 2024
The Kings Arms, Central London
One of the busiest and best speed dating events in Central London, not to be missed. Book your ti...
Lock & Key Party - Cambridge
Sat 3 Aug 2024
The Tivoli, Cambridge
Join us at our Singles Lock & Key Party. The ultimate way to meet singles in Cambridge.
Speed Dating in Tooting
Tue 6 Aug 2024
The Wheatsheaf, London, Tooting
NEW - Tooting's busiest speed date at this South West London institution.
Speed Dating in Camden
Wed 7 Aug 2024
Studio 48, London, Camden
Join us for our Camden speed dating event at the fantastic Studio 48. Book now for this busy event.
Speed Dating in Clapham
Thu 8 Aug 2024
Sugar Cane, London, Clapham Junction
You'll typically meet 15-18 people for our popular speed dating event at this cool venue in CJ.
Speed Dating in Islington
Thu 8 Aug 2024
The Bull, London, Islington
Islington's very one speed dating event at this ace North London venue.
Over 40s Speed Dating in St Albans
Thu 8 Aug 2024
The Crown, St Albans, Hertfordshire
This is St Albans busiest speed date at Hertfordshires finest bar.
Over 40s Speed Dating in Maidstone
Thu 8 Aug 2024
Mu Mu, Maidstone, Kent
NEW - Join us for Maidstone's busiest speed dating event at this unique venue.
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