There are some men who tread their own path, who carve a way through life unique from all those around them. To you sirs, wherever you are, I salute you. I have had the privilege of meeting many of you because you are the ones who attend Speed Dating events, often alone because you are a pioneer, a trend-setter, a man amongst boys.
Then there is the rest. The friends of the pioneer who mock his forward thinking. They cast doubt on innovation, on new thinking, on courage and bravery because they are afraid. Years ago these people would mocked anyone considered the planet Earth could have been anything but flat.
It is to you, fearful ones, for whom this missive is intended. While you send the hero out into the world of speed dating, your laughter wringing in his ears, it is upon you that the last laugh will fall.
This is how it works:
It's 7:30. You're 3 beers in with some other friends in cowardice, laughingly guessing at the fate that has befallen your erstwhile companion. As the evening progresses you will contemplate the relative merits of various females in your proximity. "I don't need to speed date" you will tell yourself as you further line your stomach with liquid courage.
It's 8:30. Is that a woman? You're not sure. Are there 3 or six of them? Another beer will sort you out. You're unstoppable.
Meanwhile, your 'laughable' companion has discussed sex, politics, Ugg boots and the relative merits of Timmy Mallett with 15 stunning women. He has already swapped numbers with 2 of them. And it's only half time. Your only engagement with the more intelligent gender has been a slurring offer to buy a drink and the witty remark that she looks like a slim version of Vanessa Feltz. She politely declines by laughing in your face. But you're on fire. You return to your mates with another pint.
It's now 9:30. You've actually managed to engage in conversation with someone who appears rather attractive if you close one eye. She's even laughing at your impression of Sean Connery. It's been 10 mins! Who needs Speed Dating? Pah!
Your friend has met another 10 women and is now at the bar chatting to 3 having exchanged 2 more numbers and he still has tomorrows online matching results to come.
You are flying! She even laughed at your sick Jimmy Savile joke. She turns to you. Look you in your one sober eye and says: "Thanks for keeping me company. My boyfriend's here now. You gay guys are so much fun." And walks away.
It's midnight. Where do we stand?
Your adventurous friend is in a club with 12 others from the Speed Date night with no intention of leaving anytime soon.
You are sprawled, half dressed and alone watching Babestation swirling in front of you. You half consider a drunken hand shandy while smelling of kebabs before deciding a trip to the fridge for another beer is in order. You wake upon the kitchen floor.
Gentleman, I tell you now, this story is true. True for so many men each week.
So to you sir - YES YOU - I ask, which are you? The pioneer warrior? Or the drunken has-been?
The choice is now yours.
Speed Dating in the City
Wed 22 May 2024
The Crown & Sceptre, London, Central London
New - Join us for this new Wednesday evening event in the City.
Over 40s Speed Dating in Cambridge
Wed 22 May 2024
The Lab, Cambridge, Cambridgeshire
Join around 30 singles at this trendy Cambridge venue for a fun night meeting new people.
Speed Dating in Clapham
Thu 23 May 2024
Sugar Cane, London, Clapham Junction
You'll typically meet 12-15 people for our popular speed dating event at this cool venue in CJ.
Gay Speed Dating Manchester
Thu 23 May 2024
Be At One Manchester, Manchester, Deansgate
Join us for gay speed dating in Manchester and meet around 15 men. It's a blast!
Glasgow Speed Dating - Thirties
Thu 23 May 2024
Missoula, Glasgow, Scotland
The perfect speed dating event if you're in your thirties and single in Glasgow
Speed Dating in Canterbury
Thu 23 May 2024
One Pound Lane, Canterbury, Kent
Canterbury's busiest speed dating event. Join us and meet new people in person.
Speed Dating in Derby
Thu 23 May 2024
Carnero Lounge, Derby, Derbyshire
Derby's busiest speed dating event. Meet up to 15 singles at this cool bar, in the heart of Derby.
Speed Dating Cardiff
Thu 23 May 2024
Dirty Martini, Cardiff, Wales
Join us for our brand new singles events in the heart Cardiff.
Friday Night Speed Dating
Fri 24 May 2024
The Otherist, London, The City
It's our busiest event of the week. Meet loads of potential dates and no work tomorrow. You just ...
Friday Night Speed Dating - 30s & 40s event
Fri 24 May 2024
Jamies Tudor Street, London, The City
Kick start your weekend with Friday night speed dating at our brand new venue in the heart of the...
Speed Dating in Oxford
Fri 24 May 2024
Hank's Bar, Oxford, Oxfordshire
Start the weekend with speed dating in the city's trendiest bar.
Saturday Night Speed Dating - 30s & 40s
Sat 25 May 2024
The Kings Arms, Central London
Brand new Saturday night event in the heart of the West End.
Gay Speed Dating
Sat 25 May 2024
Komyuniti - Yotel, London, Clerkenwell
Join us for gay speed dating and meet around 15 men. Did we mention a free welcome drink?
Tuesday Night Speed Dating 20s & 30s
Tue 28 May 2024
The Crown & Sceptre, London, Central London
Ease into the week and spend Tuesday evenings with us and up to 15 dates in the City.
Speed Dating in the City
Wed 29 May 2024
Jamies Tudor Street, London, The City
New - Join us for this new Wednesday evening event in the City.
Vegan & Vegetarian Speed Dating
Wed 29 May 2024
Studio 48, London, Camden
Meet singles who share your passion for vegan or veggie food at this cool spot in Camden.
Speed Dating in Islington
Thu 30 May 2024
The Bull, London, Islington
Islington's very one speed dating event at this ace North London venue.
Speed Dating in St Albans
Thu 30 May 2024
The Crown, St Albans, Hertfordshire
This is St Albans busiest speed date at Hertfordshires finest bar.
Speed Dating in Maidstone
Thu 30 May 2024
Mu Mu, Maidstone, Kent
NEW - Join us for Maidstone's busiest speed dating event at this unique venue.
Speed Dating in Brighton
Thu 30 May 2024
The Walrus, The Lanes, Brighton
*NEW VENUE* It's Brighton's best speed dating event. Join us and meet up to 15 dates at The Walrus
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