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Home Blog New Year, New Relationship – And how to find it

New Year, New Relationship – And how to find it

Friday December 7, 2012

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I can't stand New Year's resolutions. Other peoples that is. Self-reflection is the key to progression but all New Year's resolutions seem to be are affirmations that somehow, with the chime of midnight, your previous self will somehow be irrevocably altered. Start at the beginning I say. Instead of "I will lose weight" it should be "Why did I let myself get so fat?"; "I'll work harder" should be "Why was I so lazy all year?"; and "I will meet someone" should be "why am I single?"

You're still the same person so instead of inventing a new you, examine the old one and make smaller changes. If you split up with someone just before xmas then perhaps you really shouldn't be worrying about meeting someone, at least not in the immediate future.

If you've been single for a while, is it just the festive period playing its lonely little tricks on you? Or perhaps the persistence of the coupled and the elderly in your family whom you were forced to spend inordinate drunken time with over Christmas that undermined your self-worth?

It may sound as if, instead of helping you find a new relationship in the New Year, I'm actively discouraging you from seeking it out. But it's the seeking that is the problem. In particular the desperate type of seeking that accompanies the pressure to radically change who you are.

If you really have to make a New Year's resolution, how about "I'll be nicer to myself." We all feel guilty after the indulgences of Christmas and New Year. But we all do it. Self-loathing is never a good look. Neither is neediness. Confidence however is attractive.

Take Speed Dating for example. We run events that deliberately avoid the idea that you'll find the one. Instead we focus on running events that, at their core, are about meeting like-minded people for a chat and a bit of a laugh. The amount of relationships that spring from such an environment are testament to the adage that success comes when you least expect it.

When you're relaxed and enjoying yourself, you naturally revert to a more honest and attractive version of yourself. It's when you so desperately want things to go right that you really have something to lose. So look back over the previous year, identify the things that you did right, the things that made you happiest. Then enter the New Year knowing that similar things will happen. In other words, don't keep telling yourself of to think of an elephant. You'll find the mistakes of the past a lot easier to avoid, you'll surprise yourself how much happier you are. And you allow space for that other someone should they arrive.

ORIGINAL DATING IN THE PRESS
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HOW IT WORKS

The beauty of Speed Dating London lies in its no-nonsense approach. You take an equal number of single girls and guys, put them in a room and give them a few minutes to chat with every other member of the opposite sex.

When you get there

Original speed dating events in London normally begin at 7.30pm. You will need to register with our hosts and to begin with they will issue you with a score sheet. This will help you to keep track of the singles that you would like to meet again and perhaps go on a date with. After a short period of mingling, your host for the evening who will run through detailed instructions and give you your starting position if you are a guy or table for the event if you are a girl.

Meet & Mingle

A London speed dating event is split into two halves, each lasting around an hour, there will be an interval at half time of about 15 minutes. You will have between 4 and 5 minutes with each person, after which you need to tick a box on your score sheet - "yes, I would like to meet this person again" or "no. Thanks but no thanks". Or "friend" if you'd like to get to know them platonically. Make sure that you do this after each date to keep track. Afterwards there is an opportunity for everyone to meet and mingle informally - this is often where the real action begins, so make sure you don't disappear too quickly!

Complete your score sheet

After the event you simply tick who you liked on the Original Dating website and the site works about your matches automatically. If the dates you have ticked as a "yes" have reciprocated you have a match. You will be able to view the first names and message them via our site online without revealing your email address until you are ready to. You'll be having proper first dates in no time.