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Online dating messages: Why she doesn't always respond

Wednesday March 18, 2015

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You’ve plucked up the courage to send a message to that one profile you’re convinced is perfect. The only problem? It’s been 2 days and nothing.

Notwithstanding the lottery that is online dating (see my article here), there are a significant number of reasons why she hasn’t responded, and it’s entirely possible it has nothing to do with you.

So let’s have a look at some of them.

Women receive hundreds of messages a day

It’s true. You may not have received a reply, let alone a message in over a week. She will have received at least a dozen in the last few hours. It’s entirely possible that, after wading through all the text speak dross, random cock pics and general flotsam and jetsam that make up the average woman’s online dating inbox, she simply didn’t see your message.

Try again but with a different, more creative subject and intro but also remember to apologise if she had already read your message and dismissed it.

You wrote one line – In text speak

Be honest. Did you? To be fair, if you did it’s highly unlikely you’re able to read, so this post is falling on deaf, um… Eyes.

Seriously though, you may feel it’s a waste of time to construct a carefully worded missive referencing her profile and producing wittily open questions because it’s a numbers game right? Well yes and no.

This approach is the same that causes relatively intelligent people to be taken in by scams. One of the most likely groups to fall for one of the ‘transfer money from a foreign bank account ‘ frauds' are city traders. The reason is they take what they consider to be a calculated risk. IF it were true the massive rewards would be worth the risk. It’s cognitive dissonance writ large. Despite the fact the chance is zero, the incorrect perception is that the reward is so large it’s worth giving it a shot.

It’s the same with writing short, incoherent messages. If I send out enough, surely someone will reply. The truth is they won’t.

Go back to the start, do not pass go, do not collect £200.

She doesn’t exist

It’s a sad fact that online dating sites are ripe ground for scammers. They’re dealing with the two things that render people senseless. Emotions and sex.

And the techniques they’re using are becoming more and more sophisticated. Ridiculously hot pics with an ‘open minded’ profile and a preferred age range spanning the last four centuries are all signs it’s a fake profile.

The profile may even contain the suggestion that she’s such an open minded girl you can see more pics of her – indeed plenty more of her – on another site she’s a member of. Whatever the site seems to be called it will invariably be something along the lines of

You may even get a reply eventually. Probably asking you for your email so you can have a more intimate ‘chat’.

She’s busy *Warning - Sarcasm alert*

Apparently, women are allowed jobs now. And even more strangely, some of them are actually doing them. Which means that, like you, she’s busy.

Granted, she really should be checking her dating messages at every opportunity because, well, you’re waiting. But her boss is a slave driver and her friends are demanding all her attention and she has an active social life.

She’s just not into you *Warning - Sarcasm alert*

Yup. Even you my friend. Sometimes she’s just not interested. It happens. She’s looking for something else; she doesn’t think you’re compatible; she’s changed her mind about speed dating.

Whatever the reason the best thing to do is send her abusive messages – at least 3 a day – describing her in torrid language and telling her how spiteful a person she is, how she’s ruining lives and she’s the reason men hate women. This is a sure fire guarantee to get an apologetic response back and the promise of a date at your earliest convenience.

Get over it.

Seriously though. It’s tough out there. Be nice. Be honest. Be respectful. Good luck. And for the best chance of meeting someone nice in London why not come of one of our speed dating events. You'll have a ball.




The beauty of Speed Dating London lies in its no-nonsense approach. You take an equal number of single girls and guys, put them in a room and give them a few minutes to chat with every other member of the opposite sex.

When you get there

Original speed dating events in London normally begin at 7.30pm. You will need to register with our hosts and to begin with they will issue you with a score sheet. This will help you to keep track of the singles that you would like to meet again and perhaps go on a date with. After a short period of mingling, your host for the evening who will run through detailed instructions and give you your starting position if you are a guy or table for the event if you are a girl.

Meet & Mingle

A London speed dating event is split into two halves, each lasting around an hour, there will be an interval at half time of about 15 minutes for speed dating London. You will have between 4 and 5 minutes with each person, after which you need to tick a box on your score sheet - "yes, I would like to meet this person again" or "no. Thanks but no thanks". Or "friend" if you'd like to get to know them platonically. Make sure that you do this after each date to keep track. Afterwards there is an opportunity for everyone to meet and mingle informally - this is often where the real action begins, so make sure you don't disappear too quickly!

Complete your score sheet

After the event you simply tick who you liked on the Original Dating website and the site works about your matches automatically. If the dates you have ticked as a "yes" have reciprocated you have a match. You will be able to view the first names and message them via our site online without revealing your email address until you are ready to. You'll be having proper first dates in no time.