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I got a match and he hasn’t replied

Tuesday May 19, 2015

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Against patriarchal tradition you’ve reached out and messaged Mr Possibly Rather Nice. The only thing is, it’s been a few days and you've heard nothing.

You’re pretty sure he was attracted to you, you shared a drink after the event and matched each other on Mixeo. You dropped him a message and… now what?

What possible reason could there be for his lack of response?

Unfortunately, there could be plenty.

Xbox/Friends/Mum called

I hate to generalise, particularly when it comes to gender but guys are notoriously good at putting things off.

Like pet dogs, guys also have a very short attention span and are easily distracted. “I know what you’re saying and I… Oh look! A ball!”

It doesn’t mean they’re not interested. Sometimes we just need a little push in the right direction. Drop him another line. Just include an active suggestion of something to do rather than simply ‘why haven’t you replied?’

It may just be enough to drag him away from Halo 37 and back to his phone.

Hey…

This is advice I’ve also given to the lads. You wrote one line. Or even just one word.

Trust me, ‘Hey’ is not a conversation starter. There are two reasons for this.

Firstly, just writing ‘hey’ gives the impression that you’re lazy. Gents find this dating malarkey hard enough. They will think you’re lazy because you expect that anyone you message will respond instantly. He will see you as arrogant regardless of the amazing first impression you gave.

Secondly, is a single ‘Hey’, or ‘What’s up?’ really how that charismatic and interesting woman he met at the speed date event would begin a conversation? It signals a disconnect as to how you were on the night and how you really are.

Ask an open question. Maybe suggest something to do together.

Guys love a confident woman and those that don’t or respond immediately to ‘hey’ are probably not the right guys for you.

He’s busy

Believe it or not, life is getting busier. And of course he should be prioritising the appearance of your message over everything else in his life but he’s still essentially a stranger and you have no idea what’s going on.

He may be on holiday or away on business.

‘But he didn’t tell me he was going away at the speed date event!’ Why should he? Did you hand over your calendar for the next six months? Precisely.

He had other intentions

This isn’t as sinister as it seems. Sometimes guys need a wingman. And sometimes that wingman is attached/married/gay/not interested. It happens.

How likely would you be to go to a speed dating event alone? What if your offsider dropped out at the last minute and the only person who could come along is someone in a similar position to our gentleman friend.

Or perhaps the gentleman you met was on a fun night out with some friends and not really looking for it to go any further. Again, totally fine. Speed dating is about having a relaxed evening meeting other people.

Granted, he perhaps shouldn’t have matched you after the event but hey, guys have egos too and maybe he just wanted to see how many matches he got. Not ideal but chalk this one up to experience. He’s in a minority so don’t let it bring you down.

He’s just not into you

I know. Shocking. But it happens.

The evening was great, the flirtation got everyone’s feel good chemicals flowing and his Mixeo matching was an acknowledgement that you were indeed suited.

And that’s as far as it goes.

Or his girlfriend found out.

Let it go. There are plenty more folks out there, perhaps with more drive to follow up on such evenings.

Just don’t demand an explanation. That way madness lies.

WORDS BY JOHN DAVIS