Whether speaking to members of the opposite sex fills your with dread, or you think you’re the Didier Drogba of speed dating, our short quiz will tell you exactly what sort of speed dater you are.
1) When you arrive at the speed dating event do you:
a - Stand at the entrance, throw your hands in the air and exclaim “All the ladies in the house IT’S PARTY TIME!”
b - Say hello to the host, explain you’re here for the event and then head to the bar.
c - Give the host a high five, open the top button on your shirt, head for the nearest group of ladies and start buying rounds of drinks.
d - Stand politely to one side until everyone is registered. Then once the event is about to start, cough nervously in the hosts ear and whisper that you’re here for ‘this’.
2) You arrive at your first date. Do you:
a - Exclaim “Hold on tight. The next four minutes are going to rock your world!”
b - Shake hands and introduce yourself before asking “and you are?” while taking a seat.
c - Introduce yourself before claiming “It’s a little noisy in here” then squeeze in next to your date.
d - Wave your hand maniacally before asking the host “How does this work again?”
3) Your date tells you she works as an accountant. Do you:
a - Reply “Really? Then perhaps you can tell me how do you account for THIS?” while gesturing at your own body.
b - Reply “Accounting? Interesting. What area of accounting? Do you enjoy it?”
c - Reply “Accounting? Not the greatest job in the world but I guess with your looks you’ll go far whatever you do.”
d - Reply “An accountant? What number were you again?” before nervously writing a-c-c-o-u-n-t-a-n-t on your note sheet.
4) The host calls half time. Do you:
a - Grab your last date by the hand and exclaim “Shot of Jager for you it is then. I find it’s best to get girls warmed up early.”
b - Either offer to buy your date a drink at the bar or tell your date is was a pleasure meeting her and politely excuse yourself.
c - Say “It was lovely meeting you. Maybe we can catch up later. I’m just going to have a quick chat to your friend.”
d - Run.
5) Your date is clearly not interested in you. Do you:
a - Mutter “damn lesbians” under your breath.
b - Say “That’s the beauty of speed dating. You’re going to meet a wide range of people.”
c - State “There’s no accounting for taste but you’ll regret this once the four minutes are up.”
d - Apologise profusely for your own inadequacies.
6) The speed dating part of the event has finished. What do you do?
a - Shout “I’m going to be at the bar. Ladies, form a queue!”
b - Reintroduce yourself to some of your previous dates using answers you received before to expand the conversation.
c - Reintroduce yourself to a previous date by interrupting her conversation, steering her away from her friends and claiming “I couldn’t wait until I got some time alone with you.”
d - Leave.
7) One of your dates suggests going on somewhere else, just the two of you. However, you’re just not interested. What do you do?
a - Reply “Sure why not. Nothing better to do this evening and it looks like your blonde friend has already left.”
b - Reply that your flattered but were looking forward to seeing how the online matching worked out. No need to rush after all.
c - Reply “Sounds like a great idea. Let me get some of the others together” before roping in your wingman and inviting the two girls you really like.
d - Yelp and excuse yourself for a bathroom break before escaping out the window.
8) The following day you receive two matches. How do you open the online conversation?
a - “I knew you couldn’t resist. My place. 7pm tonight.”
b - “It seems we’re a mutual match. I’ve got a couple of evenings free this week if you fancy a drink. Wednesday perhaps?”
c - “So another match. Glad you picked me. Now tell me in less than 20 words why I should also pick you.
d - You didn’t know you had any matches as you were too nervous to open the email.
So how did you do?
Mostly A’s: You’re a character from Mad Men only magnified ten-fold. You’re a walking stereotype who not only was never in fashion but your desperate attempts hto hide the fact that you still live at home and your mum does all the washing have failed miserably.
Ironically, you’re welcome at any speed dating event because you’re such good entertainment. Everyone is laughing at you as soon as you walk in the door.
Mostly B’s: Not bad. You’re either a naturally confident and sociable person or you’re a complete suck. Either way, you seem to be well liked. You’re only real enemy is cynicism that will inevitably grow the more you go speed dating. Patience and a sense of humour are your best friends.
If speed dating was a subject taught in school you’d be teachers pet.
Mostly C’s: You’ve been reading ‘The Game’ or some other such piece of misguided misogynist rubbish. Put the book down, take a long shower and then look at yourself in the mirror. Such tactics do not work. I repeat, such tactics do not work.
Women are not objects or animals to be controlled through correct application of process. You are not a ‘player’ utilising ancient secrets know only to a clandestine cabal of men. You currently appear be a bit of a misguided Muppet.
Stop being so angry at the world, take a deep breath and try being yourself for once.
Mostly D’s: It’s okay to be nervous! Most people are when they come speed dating. Just remember, everyone is in the same boat. Take a deep breath and remember that humiliation is unlikely to occur and a gruesome death has never taken place while speed dating.
Maybe next time come with a friend. Or give the host a heads up that you’re nervous. Make a joke out of it. That’s what we’re there for. Now go back out into the world and good luck.
Whatever you scored, come and try it out for real at one of our many awesome speed dating events all over London.
And ladies, your guide is coming soon.
And know why not check out our upcoming events?