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What message to send after Speed Dating

Monday November 13, 2017

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Speed dating is fun, it's just talking to new people and getting to know them in short dates but what I always find tricky is what to say the next day, to someone who you matched with. That tricky follow up message, to take it to the next step. For some people this will be no problem, but for others it's how to get that ball rolling again. Unlike dating apps you've already met this person so the task isn't to get to know them and see if you'd like to meet them, we've done that already and now it's going for a second date. 

Let's start with what not to say. 

Well we need to remember we've already matched, there's a mutual interest and that my friend, is the hard bit. So don't stress about having to impress with some mind blowing opening line, however don’t go with the classic and predictable 'Hey, how's you?' Because that's just dull. At the same time you don’t wanna just dive right in guns blazing angling for that second date, which might make you look desperate or only after one thing, you may have only met them for that 4 minutes, maybe a little more after the event. Also don’t blab on, you still don’t wanna beat about the bush. 

So what to say? 

There is no formulaic response that we can copy and paste for each match that is going to open up a dialogue and guarantee a next date. Each person is different and each date you will have connected with on different grounds, whether it be a mutual interest or just that your personalities are a good fit. Whatever it is, I'd say it’s a good idea to refer back to something in that 4 minute date. Maybe continue a joke you shared together, mention the latest episode of that TV show you both like or challenge\concede on that discussion you had. It reminds them of why you matched and the date you've already shared.  

The saying 'flattery will get you far' is a saying for a reason because it's true. So why not mention you're glad we matched because who else can I moan to about Mary Berry not being on the British bake off anymore (or something you had in common), make a joke out of it but still mean it. 

ALWAYS include a question or a statement that requires a response, if you don’t then you're leaving the door closed, albeit unlocked but still closed. You want to leave the door wide open, take it off the hinges, you want them to read this and leave them with no question in their mind they should reply.  

You could ask them for drinks in the first message, if you're a forward sort of person or you could leave it to the next message. That's up to you but don’t chat too long back and forth without proposing a meet up or even an exchange of numbers. You can always be a little creative, there might be a food market on the next weekend and you know they like that type of food, drinks are fine but sometimes there's something that's perfect if you just have a look. 

Finally, with all this in mind, be yourself, as cliched as that is, it's cliched for a reason. This is just some tips and advice and what won them over in the first place was you, so be you, you're the best at being you after all. I say all this to get your own creative brain working and to put a bit of thought into it. Don’t let yourself down after doing all the hard work by saying ' Hey, how's you?' And wondering why you never got a response. 

WORDS BY STUART GRAHAME

Stuart is one of our regular hosts and over the years has become something of an expert in dating. Watch out for his regular posts full of dating tips and advice.