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What message to send after Speed Dating

Monday November 13, 2017

Speed dating is fun, it's just talking to new people and getting to know them in short dates but what I always find tricky is what to say the next day, to someone who you matched with. That tricky follow up message, to take it to the next step. For some people this will be no problem, but for others it's how to get that ball rolling again. Unlike dating apps you've already met this person so the task isn't to get to know them and see if you'd like to meet them, we've done that already and now it's going for a second date. 

Let's start with what not to say. 

Well we need to remember we've already matched, there's a mutual interest and that my friend, is the hard bit. So don't stress about having to impress with some mind blowing opening line, however don’t go with the classic and predictable 'Hey, how's you?' Because that's just dull. At the same time you don’t wanna just dive right in guns blazing angling for that second date, which might make you look desperate or only after one thing, you may have only met them for that 4 minutes, maybe a little more after the event. Also don’t blab on, you still don’t wanna beat about the bush. 

So what to say? 

There is no formulaic response that we can copy and paste for each match that is going to open up a dialogue and guarantee a next date. Each person is different and each date you will have connected with on different grounds, whether it be a mutual interest or just that your personalities are a good fit. Whatever it is, I'd say it’s a good idea to refer back to something in that 4 minute date. Maybe continue a joke you shared together, mention the latest episode of that TV show you both like or challenge\concede on that discussion you had. It reminds them of why you matched and the date you've already shared.  

The saying 'flattery will get you far' is a saying for a reason because it's true. So why not mention you're glad we matched because who else can I moan to about Mary Berry not being on the British bake off anymore (or something you had in common), make a joke out of it but still mean it. 

ALWAYS include a question or a statement that requires a response, if you don’t then you're leaving the door closed, albeit unlocked but still closed. You want to leave the door wide open, take it off the hinges, you want them to read this and leave them with no question in their mind they should reply.  

You could ask them for drinks in the first message, if you're a forward sort of person or you could leave it to the next message. That's up to you but don’t chat too long back and forth without proposing a meet up or even an exchange of numbers. You can always be a little creative, there might be a food market on the next weekend and you know they like that type of food, drinks are fine but sometimes there's something that's perfect if you just have a look. 

Finally, with all this in mind, be yourself, as cliched as that is, it's cliched for a reason. This is just some tips and advice and what won them over in the first place was you, so be you, you're the best at being you after all. I say all this to get your own creative brain working and to put a bit of thought into it. Don’t let yourself down after doing all the hard work by saying ' Hey, how's you?' And wondering why you never got a response. 

WORDS BY STUART GRAHAME

Stuart is one of our regular hosts and over the years has become something of an expert in dating. Watch out for his regular posts full of dating tips and advice.

ORIGINAL DATING IN THE PRESS
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HOW IT WORKS

The beauty of Speed Dating London lies in its no-nonsense approach. You take an equal number of single girls and guys, put them in a room and give them a few minutes to chat with every other member of the opposite sex.

When you get there

Original speed dating events in London normally begin at 7.30pm. You will need to register with our hosts and to begin with they will issue you with a score sheet. This will help you to keep track of the singles that you would like to meet again and perhaps go on a date with. After a short period of mingling, your host for the evening who will run through detailed instructions and give you your starting position if you are a guy or table for the event if you are a girl.

Meet & Mingle

A London speed dating event is split into two halves, each lasting around an hour, there will be an interval at half time of about 15 minutes. You will have between 4 and 5 minutes with each person, after which you need to tick a box on your score sheet - "yes, I would like to meet this person again" or "no. Thanks but no thanks". Or "friend" if you'd like to get to know them platonically. Make sure that you do this after each date to keep track. Afterwards there is an opportunity for everyone to meet and mingle informally - this is often where the real action begins, so make sure you don't disappear too quickly!

Complete your score sheet

After the event you simply tick who you liked on the Original Dating website and the site works about your matches automatically. If the dates you have ticked as a "yes" have reciprocated you have a match. You will be able to view the first names and message them via our site online without revealing your email address until you are ready to. You'll be having proper first dates in no time.