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Original Dating Advice - The ‘F’ Word

Friday May 12, 2017

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In this series of blogs I’m going to look at some of the problems we face dating in the modern world and try to give some helpful advice.

So, let’s talk about the ‘Friendzone’ because it’s something that’s coming up a lot of things on social media recently.

The word itself, friend-zone sounds like the Phantom Zone, which is the prison dimension in Superman and I can imagine it feeling a little similar.

What does it mean to be Friendzoned?

My understanding is that when a person you fancy decides that you are no longer a dating option and that they have no romantic feelings towards you. They see you more like a friend. Or a kettle.

So why is the Friend zone bad? Well I guess it comes down to a sense of failure, and the feeling of rejection.

You weren’t looking for new friends. You probably set out with clear intentions, but now you’ve got these feelings for somebody who wants to spend time with you but they don’t see you ‘in that way’ and its torture.

I don’t know the way out of the Friendzone, there’s always the chance when you start dating someone their feelings for you won’t develop and you quite simply you must move on.

Instead, let’s talk about avoiding the Friendzone.

I can only give advice from my experience and as we all know dating is a tricky business.

In this day and age with texting, Whatsapp and social media it’s easy to communicate at all times which can be a blessing and a curse.  When newly dating someone I never add them on Facebook, simply because that’s where I can interact with my friends (and be an idiot).

So, let’s say your main means of contact is text, now you obviously need to keep the ball in the air and need to arrange a date. The balance you need to find is not speaking too much that its friendly and not too little that they loose interest.

This is the key, remember you are dating them and it can be all too easy to chat away because you like them, but texting too much without seeing them in a romantic sense can send you down that dreaded path.

I’m not a fan of games, like ‘wait two hours before texting back’ or ‘don’t text them the morning after getting their number, you’ll seem desperate’.

I don’t know how anyone would get anywhere doing this and I recommend keeping the conversation light and flirty.  Don’t overdo it and run the conversation dry.

This is the problem with modern technology and dating apps, its not about the online convo’s, everyone can think up a witty response given time, it’s all about the chemistry you have together, in person, don’t forget that.

Let’s be honest, an emoji will never beat a cute laugh, a glimmer in their eye or a touch on the knee.

Of course, the Friendzone is something you tease your mates about, or be on the receiving end of. It stems from an archaic notion that members of the opposite sex cant be friends and a fear of being emasculated in front of your peers (it does go both ways of course). 

So, is it really all that bad? No. You can never have too many friends and as you’ve probably learnt in dating it doesn’t always work out but you’ve always got your friends and a story to tell.

 

WORDS BY STUART GRAHAME

Stuart is one of our regular hosts and over the years has become something of an expert in dating. Watch out for his regular posts full of dating tips and advice.