Sex on Thursday, Birth a Prime Minister on Saturday

There may be seven days in a week, every week, but what you choose to do on each day could radically change your life. John explores the statistical anomalies that inform our seven day cycle.

I like Thursday’s. They don’t have the mild desperation of a Wednesday but also lack the weight of expectation of a Friday. Plus, a hangover on Friday morning is a little like the Spanish Inquisition. No one expects it. Unlike the Spanish inquisition, people generally ignore it.

So apart from the hours of 3pm-10pm on a Saturday, Thursday evenings are my favourite time of the week. It’s the day after our most restful sleep and, perhaps most tellingly it’s the day our cortisol levels are at their highest. In other words it’s when we produce the most sex hormones.

It’s official. Thursday is the day we feel most attractive and attracted to others. Perhaps this is why it’s also our most popular speed dating night of the week.

Seriously, I’m not making this up. If we have more than one event on a particular night, it’s almost always Thursday. Okay so I may be guilty of a degree of extrapolation and a lack of empirical data upon which to base this claim but I genuinely think our Thursday night events are awesome fun.

So what about other days of the week?

Friday
Friday is the day we’re most likely to lapse on promises to ourselves such as maintaining a diet or going to the gym. We feel we deserve some respite for surviving the week. It’s also the most dangerous day to drive with 17% of all accidents happening on a Friday. Advice? Stay off the roads and join us at Dion in St Paul’s, for your own safety you realise.

Wednesday
Wednesday is when we get our best night’s sleep as we enter a shocked state of tiredness from the beginning of the week and we’re drinking less. We’re also fairly productive given we’ve finished planning the week but not yet thinking about the weekend. If you’re upper management, stay away from employees as this is the day you’re most likely to agree to give a pay rise.

Tuesday
Tuesday is productivity day thanks to our naiveté in assuming that once Monday is conquered we can do anything. Take yesterday’s to-do list and get on with it. It’s also the most popular day to give birth – just saying – but also the busiest day at the doctors so feel free to produce a child, just don’t get ill.

Monday
And Monday? Well Monday is giving up day. The best day to give up smoking, the best day to give up fatty foods and the most popular day for giving up on life. Seriously. Monday is the most popular day for suicides. You’re also most likely to have a heart attack although you should be okay given that it’s the day that surgery patients get the best results. A mixed bag then Monday.
And what of the weekend?

Sunday
Sunday is officially the happiest day of the week, despite the fact you’re 80% more likely to die during an operation. And because everyone is out being active and pretending they’re sporty, more bones are broken on Sunday than any other day of the week.

Saturday
And finally Saturday. Wonderful, golden Saturday. 27 minutes more sleep on average and… and nothing really. That’s all Saturday is good for unless you count giving birth to Prime Ministers – 1 in 3 have been born on a Saturday – and setting cooking pans on fire as good things.

My advice is this. If in doubt ignore happy Sunday and blue Monday and join us any other night of the week. Whatever happens we promise you’ll meet a whole bunch of like-minded Londoners.

Just make sure you don’t mix up sleepy Wednesday for hormone Thursday.

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